Dear Awkwardness,

Ok, ya... it's true that I have a mini-obsession with Barbie Christmas ornaments.  But hey, it's just one of my favorite Christmas traditions.  So of course I told my boyfriend. But did you really have to make that public to my boyfriend's parents.  I really enjoyed looking at all the beautifully decorated Christmas trees at the Festival of Trees.  And we could've stopped when everyone got tired.  But after my boyfriend's mom suggested that we stopped, I really enjoyed hearing his dad whisper that we couldn't until we saw the Barbies for me.  Way to make a good impression!

Love,
Nori

Dear Awkwardness,

Um... Did the zipper on my shirt really have to break while I was at work? I don't mean to be ungrateful. After all, I fortunately did have a coat with me. But my students probably thought it was a little strange that I wore my big wool pea coat--indoors--for the entire three-hours class. (Not to mention the fact that it was hot!!!)

Emily

Dear Awkwardness,

Why do you have to sneak up on me like that? I'm just so exhausted from this busy week and I was really embarrassed that I showed up late to a class wearing pajamas, complete with fuzzy slippers and my glasses. It would have been okay except my professor pulled me aside to talk to me.

The next time I get offered a job I really want, I would rather not have the conversation start with my teacher saying, "Did you just wake up?"

Sincerely,

Rachel

Dear Awkwardness,

Ok, so I guess it was sort of funny that it got announced that my boyfriend was engaged to me in his Priesthood class (ok, it wasn't really that funny).  But next time can you let me know before I show up to his Break the Fast without him.  Then I won't drop the 5 gallon jug of water that I was carrying when someone congratulated me about my engagement.  Ya, so next time just give me a fair warning.  That's all I'm asking...

See ya soon,
Nori

Dear Awkwardness,

I would appreciate it if never again an unplanned encounter at 9:00pm with a creepy guy would end with him saying, "Well, at least I know where you live now!"

Please,

Rachel

Dear Awkwardness,

Okay...getting me to lock my keys in my car...haha.  Whatevs.  I have a spare.  But how the heck did you fool me into locking my keys in the car, with the car running...without me ever realizing it?  Well, I mean I did realize it eventually, namely, when I was ready to head home for the evening 7.5 hours later.  But still...seriously?!

Not amused,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

Generally I go with your suggestions to talk aloud to inanimate objects and small woodland creatures.  But the next time you tell me to greet the squirrels with "Oh hey squirrel" and "Oh hey other squirrel.  Nice jump.  Lookin' good", I'd really perfer to not have a distinguished faculty member walking right behind me. 

Later,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

It was pretty great that you gave me the opportunity to enjoy watching the Phineas and Ferb live show down at the US Airways Center with two of my best friends. It felt really cool to walk in as three 19-year-olds and be surrounded by a bunch of families consisting mostly of kids from the ages of 3-9. But hey, I'm not complaining. Like I said, it was really fun.

Gratefully,

Rachel

Dear Awkwardness,

Thanks for coming with me to the training meeting with my boss's boss and his boss and his boss.  I realize that as a teacher, I shouldn't have been there but thanks for prompting me to ask for an invite from my boss's boss's boss's boss since he wanted me to bring my district of Elders.  It would've worked out fine but no.  I showed up without half of my Elders who decided to turn back because they had forgotten something.  It was a great feeling to show up to a meeting with all of the top bosses at the MTC and tell them that I didn't know where all of my Elders were.

Always a pleasure,
Nori

Dear Awkwardness,

Thanks for joining me just before some friends and I took off from the volleyball game we spectated.  I'll just assume that you showed up when you did because you also wanted to meet the president of the university who was also in attendance.  You probably shook his hand along with the two people on either side of me.  In fact, you were probably the one who caused him to remain completely oblivious to my extended hand--the one that remained outreached over two other people and hung in the air directly in front of him for a few painful seconds before I finally slowly retracted it.  Thanks for giving my roommate a good laugh at least.

Peace out,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

Now that I think about it, I've run into you several times this week... Remember Monday morning at Albertson's? The girls and I were in the produce section, and you were waiting for us by the grapes. It was very cunning of you to choose grapes--the only fruit that, when Lizzie drops it, has about a hundred little pieces that roll every which way. But I have to thank you: I'm glad it wasn't, say, a watermelon that Lizzie dropped. After all, grapes can be cleaned up pretty discretely (without the need of a mop, at least).

Oh yeah, and then there was this afternoon at the mall by the Diving Lady display. You knew I wanted to read about it, so thanks for keeping an eye on Lizzie and asking that total stranger to tell me, "There she goes!" Yes, I'm an inattentive mother. And yes, I had to run pretty quickly to catch Lizzie before she got lost and/or destroyed a store display. Thanks for the reminder--and the exercise.

Regards,
Emily

Dear Awkwardness,

For more than a month now, I have been on the lookout for you. Finally, we had a choice meeting this week. I have to say, it was awesome running into you at Wal-Mart. Who knew that while I was checking out bathroom fixtures you would sneak up on me and... Surprise! But next time, instead of talking Lizzie into taking off her diaper and pants in a public place, you may want to consider that there are laws against exhibitionism. Just sayin'.

Till we meet again,
Emily

Dear Awkwardness,

I miss you.  I feel so boring lately.  Let's hang out soon.

Hoping you don't make me regret saying that,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

Do you remember the time when five door scenes were going on all at the same doorstep at the same time?  I just love awkward hugs, and what more I loved that two couples went inside, two couples stayed outside and one couple just stood and watched.  I'm just grateful that I was part of the couple that watched the whole awkward scene.  Good times, great oldies!

Thanks,
Nori

Dear Awkwardness,

I'm glad you taught me to be more humble yesterday. I was feeling a little bit sorry for myself as I walked the 15 minutes it takes to get to the institute while towing my suitcase I was bringing home for the weekend. I'm glad you introduced me to the homeless person carrying a big bag on his shoulder who looked at my suitcase trailing behind me and said, "It's nice to have wheels, huh?" Well, I guess I'm grateful my roommate let me borrow her luggage.

Gratefully,

Rachel

Dear Awkwardness,

Why have I started receiving "Your Pregnancy This Week" emails, and why does it say its for someone at 40 weeks? 

Just curious,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

I'm grateful for my Sunday adventure this evening. How did you know that getting locked out of my apartment could be so fun? I'm glad that you helped me get to know our neighbors a little bit better as we asked them if we could crawl through their upstairs window in order to cross the balcony and break into our apartment. Good times.

Thanks for the help,

Rachel

Dear Awkwardness,

Good work choreographing that one dance.  It is so popular!  You know, the one where you have two strangers appoaching each other from opposite directions, then when they are relatively close to one another they both take a step in a direction that mirror-images the other, and they do it a few times in each direction until they are about to run into each other.  And then they veer apart before crashing, and then drop their head and mutter an apology.  I love that dance.  I bust out with it about every other day, and I see a lot of other people who seem to be fans too.  I just wanted to pass along the compliment.

Keep up the good work,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

I'm sad that I forgot to take my environment friendly grocery tote bag to Safeway today. Not only because it's nice to be green, but somehow I completely forgot that I was going to be walking home. By myself. With broken wrists. Carrying about 15 plastic bags across a busy highway was a fun challenge for the day. Also, of course you know you look pretty pitiful when you get an elderly person offer to assist you in crossing the street.

Yours truly,

Rachel

Dear Awkwardness,

So, remember how I keep an arithmetic card game from my elementary school days in my desk?  Well, despite it being a multiple-player game, sometimes I play it by myself when no one else is around because I think its fun.  I just thought that you should know. 

Okay, bye,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

That was a tricky switch you pulled.  To think, the first time I went to the bank I had my card but not my checks to deposit, and yet when I went back 20 minutes later I had my checks but no longer had my debit card with me.  Let's reach a compromise for next time.  How about I remember to bring both things, and I'll just tell them that I'm flaky.  Think about it.

Sheepishly,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

I'm glad that I am reminded at every piano lesson that my teacher thinks I have great hands. My favorite part of the lesson is usually those five minutes that he will comment on them and their superior qualities to normal hands.

Thanks,

Rachel

Dear Awkwardness,

I'm so glad that I have such a likable name, but really?? Does there need to be eight Rachel's in our ward? I've also really appreciated sharing our apartment with another Rachel. It was pretty funny to watch my roommate crack up when she called out "Rachel" and we both simultaneously turned from our computers as we sat at the same table and said "What?" in the same monotonous tone. To add insult to injury she wasn't calling for me. I might have to start thinking about adopting a nickname.

Yours Truly,

Rach-E (emphasis on the E)

Dear Awkwardness,

It is one thing to tell me the wrong location of a meeting with a member of the clinic's executive committee.  But did you also have to tell me the wrong date and time?  I mean, feeling that I am late is hard enough for me, but then you have me show up sweaty and out of breath and interrupt another meeting, only to find out that I can't read a calendar.  Not cool.  But, thanks for reminding me to wear my bling while working on my thesis.  It looks great with the outfit I picked out to wear to the temple tonight.

Your fickle friend,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

How in the world did you convince me that my neighbors' building was my own?  I can see that they are the same building design, but the color is different, the location is different, and they had patio furniture.  Oh well.  I guess I should just be grateful that their door was locked and that I figured it out after a minute of fiddling with my keys.

Til next time,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

This was my favorite of the conversations you contributed to today:

(Girl next to me in my last class of the day as she grabbed a hot pink feather off of my shirt): So I'll take it that you were wearing a bright pink feather boa earlier today.
(Me, looking away and shifting uncomfortably): Um...no.  But I must have worn it the last time I wore this.
(Girl again, looking slightly surprised and embarrassed): Oh.  Sorry.  I was just kidding.  I didn't think you actually did.
(Me, grinning):  Let me know if you'd ever like to borrow it.  I have a white one too.

Your chum,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

If you'd really wanted to optimize your influence, you should have had my flip-flops break before my meetings with faculty members.  But all the same, compelling me to go barefoot for the last two classes of the day was still pretty good.

Yours sole-ly,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

Being a seventh wheel really isn't as much fun as you might think.

Best Regards,

Rachel

Dear Awkwardness,

Please stop prompting me to unconsciously break into singing a Hilary Duff song.

Gracias,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

You're really testing my sense of humor. You might call arranging for ldssingles online boy (that I actually liked, but stopped contacting me shortly after the first date) to move into my ward, show up at my house for ward prayer and start flirting with my roommates something of a multiple strike.  I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry or move out of the ward. Well, I guess I can't move out of the ward---You will not conquer me. I will conquer you. But do please tell me how that is done---conquering you and reversing your curse, I mean. Reply mail requested. Please? Please?

Anticipating your response,
Lexie

Dear Awkwardness,

So I'm still pretty embarrassed that I ran into my boss yesterday.  Not that it's awkward to run into my boss, but it was at that moment because I had ditched his work party.  I did not go because I decided to catch up on my laundry.  So to make the situation more awkward, I'm glad that I dropped my clean load of whites right in front of him. Nice!

See you soon,
Nori

Dear Awkwardness,

It was really interesting that you decided to show up to the institute bonfire last night. I would have appreciated it if I could have avoided catching my pants on fire. At least a group of people noticed and managed to put it out before doing too much damage. Thanks, it's good to know you are always there for me. I also appreciate the humor in everyone now thinking I'm a "liar, liar, pants on fire". I guess I'll take this as a hint to work on my honesty.

Until next time,

Rachel

Dear Awkwardness,

The next time I volunteer at a community event to promote the clinic that I am now associated at my new university, I'd appreciate it if you didn't keep prompting me to use the name of my previous university. Especially when there are professors around.

That is all,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

I haven't laughed that hard in months! Between you making me accidentally omit the word "interviews", and Elaine misreading the word "monk", I love that my initially-anonymous "something you don't know about me" submission read "I have had multiple with a naked Jain monkey". Wow! Talk about a good conversation-starter.

Your fan,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

Your timing is impeccable. Dropping that container of foam stickers all the way down the hallway of the MFT intern’s office when the professors were sitting in 279 having a serious meeting with both doors open was........ well, awkward. And I guess I can laugh at it now, instead of feeling like an insecure freak.

Thank you,
Lexie

Dear Awkwardness,

It's nice to know that I have you as a constant companion at the beginning of this semester as I try to explain to people how a piano performance major could be clever enough to break both her wrists at once. Also, I appreciated your humor the other day when one of my friends was trying to cheer me up by telling me that doing cartwheels would make me happy. The look on her face when she looked at my wrists five seconds later was priceless.

Your Old Pal,

Rachel

Dear Awkwardness,

Ha. No; whittling a baby carrot into a spoon does not make a a feasible alternative for a fork and its attempted use does not make me feel even relatively civilized. But nice try.

Your admirer,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

So while giving my talk today, I would've appreciated it if you had kept me on topic.  But no... you had to get me on a tangent on my love of Preach My Gospel and how you can apply it to my dating life.  So really it's your fault that I started explaining that you really can change Chapter 9 of Preach My Gospel on "How to find people to teach" to "How to find boys to date."  It probably would've been better if we had avoided all of that.

Take care,
Nori

Dear Awkwardness,

Are you sure that it socially acceptible to offer people feedback on the quality of their handshakes? It seemed to work today, but I still have my doubts.

Questioningly,
Allison

Dear Awkwardness,

Thanks for just reuniting me with the girl I randomly started talking to at the busstop yesterday. It was great hearing her explain how she knew me to her friend. For some reason, knowing that at least one person's first impression of me was as "creeper girl" is really satisfying. Also, I guess it is good to know that most people think its weird to start conversations with strangers.

Cheers,
Allison

Dear awkwardness,

So remember how today on the bus you told me that it would be a good idea to try to start a conversation with a stranger by asking her which deathly hallow she would choose if she could have only one? Good call. It was a hit. But convincing me to say that I'd want the resurrection stone so that I can call back dead people and do ethnographic interviews for research purposes...I'm still not sure how I feel about it.

Take the care,
Allison

Dear awkwardness,

Remember that time earlier today when you interfered with my phone conversation? What was that about? Not that I have anything against phone interviews, mind you. But that just isn’t the format I would cogently opt for when catching up with an old friend. Also, the way you got me to exclaim “I…AM…AWKWARD” while punctuating my descent down the stairs with three short jumps down the final steps afterwards…well, my roommate enjoyed overhearing that.

Best,
Allison

Dear awkwardness,

So we go way back. And mostly, I love you. But sometimes, your sense of humor makes me want to shrink up inside myself until I disappear. Mostly, we are friends and we can laugh together at your shennannigans. But sometimes I think you take advantage or me or aren’t respectful. Let’s work on maintaining our relationship, but let’s make it more functional. I’ll try to be more open in validating you and how fun you are, and I’ll also try to be more open about when something you do is hurtful.

Your friend,
Allison